Hello! Wendy Lee here with Transformational Tuesdays. As always, in this segment we just talk about transformation — what are the experiences we are having while changing and growing?
This week I had a very interesting experience that reminded me of two things I want to share with you:
A: I am human, and
B: transformation is indeed a process and not a destination.
Be kind to yourself through the process
Basically, I found myself in a situation that triggered me, and I showed up as my “old self,” so to speak.
As I was reflecting on the situation and my reaction, I thought, “Whoa, where did that come from?”
I was also responding to myself with some negative self-talk:
“I wish I would have done it differently.”
“I should have said this, not that…”
As I have had some time to process and reflect, I decided to look at myself with compassion. I reminded myself that we’re getting to this point of discovery in ourselves at every level.
And that every situation that we encounter just mirrors back to us where we are.
It’s so easy to push that energy off on someone else, like it’s their fault that I’m feeling this way, it’s because of them I reacted, because they said something, etc…
Which, by the way, is common to think and say to ourselves.
But as we are becoming more awake and going on our own journey, we start to shift that talk to more of what is going on for us.
So then I started thinking about what was this situation showing up for me? Why was I responding the way I was?
And then, with loving compassion, I was just like, “Oh, okay. So what?”
(And not like, “So what?” as in disregarding the other person in the conversation or where the conversation went, but in that “So, what now?” way.)
So — So what?
It’s okay — we’re going to take two steps forward and 11,562 steps backwards. That’s just the way it works and we have to be kind and loving with ourselves, and then take responsibility. So it’s now on me to go back and clear up some of this stuff so we can clear the air.
Hold space for others, without fixing
The other side of this situation is the insight I got into not only allowing yourself the compassion through your journey, but also doing the same for others.
Before I continue, I have to tell you that I am a notorious helper and fixer. It stems back from years and years and years of not feeling in control. And for me, helping and fixing somehow tells my ego and my psyche that all is okay.
But here’s the issue:
When you’re in that mode of helping and fixing, then that equation means that the other person is broken, or something is wrong with them.
But nothing is wrong with any of us. None of us are broken. There’s nothing wrong with us!
We’re just where we are at that point in our lives.
So when I continued to reflect on the experience I just had, my second reaction (after the first initial reaction of beating myself up) was, “Okay, so what does that mean? What can you do moving forward?”
And also — what if you just allowed people around you to be exactly where they were in that moment, and love them all the way, no matter what?
Just hold that open heart space for them and love them.
Not try to fix them.
Not try to should them (“This is what you should do, if I were you, I would do this.”)
Sometimes we just need to hold loving space for one another — just as you would hold that space for yourself.
By the way, after I got on myself for not acting the way that I should in the conversation, I, too, said, “What if I held that healthy compassion for myself, and just love myself anyway?”
So it all comes full circle.
Things to remember:
For your transformation, it’s a process. You’re going to go back and forth as you grow.
Things might trigger you and put you back into what you know — which is your automatic response, and it’s okay.
It’s all perfectly okay.
So in the next couple of days, just notice where, even with good intentions, you’re trying to help or fix or solve. And what that’s reflecting back to you of where your fear of feeling uncomfortable or not in control. And what could you do instead?
Could you be an observer of that, and say, “What if I just held space for this person or this situation? How’s that sound?”
That actually sounds great to me.
I’m very thankful this week that I have grown in my transformation enough to realize when I’m in that, and be able to just take a step back and look at it. I am so, so grateful for that ability to be awake.
And to be awake doesn’t mean you’re perfect, but you are perfectly perfect. Even in your imperfection <3
Take care, and see you next week!
P.S.: if you have not yet downloaded my free Benefits to Vulnerability guide, please do so right here!
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