How to Investigate Your Patterns

Welcome back to Transformational Tuesdays with me, Wendy Lee. I’m a transformational life coach and an influential speaker. And my mission is to help you get out of the trauma and stuck-ness so you can go out there and live the life you were divinely assigned. 

One thing I believe above all is that all of our interactions are mini divine interventions that allow us to heal, grow, and connect. And this week, I’ve been really thinking about my own transformation, and how it has allowed me to get up and out of a lot of situations, a lot of repeat themes with a lot of hurt, suffering, and things that were just lingering with me. 

This week, I’d like to tell you about two things — or two tools — that you can use to help in your own transformation: the in-between, and returning to the scene of the crime.

​

Why you go back to your old patterns: the in-between 

I often talk about how my transformation has helped me see different possibilities for how to show up and respond in a difficult situation. And when I think about the times before I ever did my transformational work, I can see why I couldn’t see the possibilities before. 

I was right in the in-between: that spot where you know you are being pulled from the person you were into the next spot where you are meant to be. And that in-between spot is sticky. It feels weird. It feels uncomfortable. We don’t know how to act or how to be. And when we don’t know what to do, we go to our default, which is what we used to know — our patterns! 

When you think about it this way, it makes perfect sense for why we tend to get stuck in our patterns, doesn’t it? 

There can be lots of in-betweens that you encounter on your transformational journey: the in-between of staying or going, making the decision to start a business or stay where you are, the decision to have the same patterns with family members or not. 

It’s important to know that you are going to be in that spot a lot, and you will teeter-totter. Your ego mind will go crazy every time you start moving away from the familiar and the patterns you know. You will be tempted to go back to those old patterns even when you know they are not healthy for you. 

The biggest thing to be aware of when you’re in the in-between is that it’s normal to be in it, and it’s normal to be in it a lot. So don’t shame yourself for slipping back into old patterns and behaviors, and realize that it’s going to be part of the process. 

Return to the scene of the crime 

Transformation is another word for change. And I’ve found that a lot of people tend to avoid transformation, because it’s going to require, in most instances, that we go back and look at some of the things affecting our patterns today. 

For myself, it was because I wasn’t aware of them, or I was too scared to confront them again. There was a lot of hurt and emotions wrapped up in my past. 

So I call this tool of going back — going back to the scene of the crime. 

Except when you go back as part of your transformational work, you don’t go as the victim again. This time, you go as an investigator with curiosity and a desire to “solve the case.” 

Imagine how empowering that is, to go back to the things that have you stuck and work through them. Knowing that you are now an adult, and can explore those things safely as the investigator, you can work through the patterns, thoughts, traumas, and experiences. 

Don’t stay stuck as the victim

I’m going to give victims some love here, because we all have slipped into that role from time to time. It’s a big driver on what keeps us stuck. We tell stories to ourselves about why we can’t do certain things. 

But you start getting to know when it’s time to transform your life when your soul starts participating, and you start getting those uncomfortable feelings. 

Transformation doesn’t have to be scary. Just know it’s all part of the process!